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Times Scare: More than Just a Haunted House

Everyone loves the old stand-by tourist attractions: the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Broadway... Yet the one question that gets asked more than any other by visitors is “What are great spots that not a lot of people know about?” They want a unique experience, one that provides stories to take home that are different from everyone else's. If you're one of those that seeks the path less traveled, keep walking, straight to Times Scare.

New York's only year-round horror attraction, Times Scare is a vibrant three-story haunted emporium with different attractions every night, all “guaranteed to scare.” The location was chosen in hopes of reviving the ghosts of the building’s past. Once a crematorium that operated in the roaring 20’s, it is now the stomping grounds for all kinds of spirits. While the haunted house is the main draw, there are over seven events going on at any given time, all of which makes Times Scare more than just another creepy place.

From Porkpie International comes a magic, sideshow, circus and variety hour with feats of daring and skill. The Amazing Miracle Hour shows off amazing stunts and tricks that seem to defy physics. Every Friday at 7 p.m, a different performance is presented by Jonny Porkpie and Patrick Davis. Top entertainers intermittently come down to do a longer show.  Performers such as Chris McDaniel and Patrick Davis are scheduled to appear. Tickets are $10 each for general admission.

A horror attraction isn’t complete without a little paranormal activity (no, not the movie). More than just a showcase of magic tricks, Michael Lee: Paranormal transports the audience into the world of the unbelievable every Sunday afternoon at 5 p.m. His talents as an illusionist and showman, combined with his humor, deliver a thrilling experience sure to entertain and shock. It’s the best kind of family entertainment, but be aware that some visuals may be too extreme for children under 7 years old. Tickets are $25 each.

Even the dead like to get a little raunchy. The Dead Sexy Burlesque crawls out of its grave every Friday night at 10 p.m for flashy, slasher stripteases. Featuring “the best neo-burlesque performers on earth...and under it,” the show promises a terrifyingly attractive and seductive night filled with titillation and death. Now that's a combination you don't see every day! Tickets are $27 per adult and $22 per child

Despite the name, Scaryoke is for the ones who want to avoid the scares and thrills, and drink, swing, and laugh the night away. With a catalog of over 22,000 songs, join the locals every Saturday night at 10 p.m to sing your heart out. The event is only for those 21 years old and over, and has a two-drink minimum.

New York City is one of the most populous and eclectic cities in the world. Times Scare acknowledged that incomparable pool of unique talent by creating New York’s Got Talent, a spin-off of the popular NBC show. Every Wednesday night at 7:30 p.m through Labor Day, pre-screened acts from all over the city come to perform for the votes of a live audience. The acts include: singers, dancers, magicians, burlesque, drag-queens, comedians, gymnasts, weird acts of all kinds, and other alternative performances. General admission tickets are free and preliminary round spots are by donation. Seating is limited so act quickly.

Similar to The Amazing Miracle Hour, the Nightmare Bros. Circus are some of the greatest performers around, showcasing magic, sideshow, comedy, and much more. Max Mayhem and Logan Lethal bring their shenanigans to the Big Apple and perform a 70 minute show every Saturday afternoon at 5 p.m. It’s fun for all ages. Tickets are $15 each.

Finally, if you're looking for a more outlandish night out, the Church of Titillation is the show to see. It's a non-demoninational, flirtatious burlesque that celebrates body-positivity and sex-positivity under the theme of religion. Pastor Jonny Porkpie, Cantor Bunny Buxom and Sunday School teacher Jo "Boobs" Weldon brings their gospel to audiences every Sunday through August 31st at 8 p.m. It's open to people of all (or no) faiths, creeds, and genders, but not all ages (only 18 or older). It's a fun, safe, and sexy time. Tickets are $15-$25.

Times Scare, 669 Eighth Ave., (42nd and 43rd Sts.), 212-586-7829 or visit timescarenyc.com for more information.

About the Author

Based in Lansing, MI, Niko Vercelletto is a New York native who has been writing since the days at his high school newspaper. His work can be found in popular publications such as Popular Mechanics, realtor.com, NYMetroParents, and CityGuideNY.

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